Hands. Feet. Heart.

I woke up at 6:30, much earlier than usual, and as I sat on the can, Andrew walked in chirpily and I glared and bitched at him: "What the fuck did you sign me up for?"

We spent today - along with a few of his colleagues - volunteering for a house build for Habitat for Humanity. My mood - foul from having to get up early - was worsened by the yucky rain. But by the end of the 7-hour day, I came out feeling great and with a bigger appreciation for the hard work that goes into a house.

We weren't entrusted with major jobs - just cutting/installing baseboards and door frames. But it was so much fun whipping out the tape measure, playing with the power saw/router and just letting out steam in a productive way with the nail gun ("Take that, you passive aggressive shithead!").

I'm not a handy person. In Grade 7, woodshop was the bane of my existence and the one class that puked on my report card. The teacher took pity on my pathetic ass and gave me a sympathy pass for this half-finished, decrepit-looking CD shelf that now serves as a plant stand in my living room. I'm just glad I survived with all 10 fingers in tact.

But today, I gained new skills and confidence - and an appreciation for working with my hands, feet and heart.

Room Of One's Own

It's always been my dream to renovate my parent's house as a gift to them. Sadly, that dream will never happen now.

Ma recently downsized to an apartment, which is great, because she has less things to worry about now and she also has companionship.

She gave Andrew and I free reign to design her room. After spending an entire life of not spoiling herself, she now has new furniture, bedset and drapes. So in a sense, we did fulfill that dream.

I'm thankful

As we observe Thanksgiving in Canada, I feel thankful for:

My family

My husband

My friends

My health

My job

My dreams

And I'm ever hopeful for a better tomorrow and exciting new adventures.

A birthday party for Pa

People who know me well know that I'm always a tad sentimental - and I believe that dreams connect us with a bigger meaning in ways that other channels cannot.

Last night - on Papa's birthday - I took a nap. In my dream, I woke up from my nap in my old room in our old house. There was a birthday party being held for Pa downstairs. I heard voices only - of Papa, Mama, Sa, and Papa's friends and former students.

All the windows in the four bedrooms were open. It was dark outside and a warm wind blew throughout the house; window curtains (which we never had, we only had blinds) were dancing with the wind.

I stepped into Papa and Mama's room. Papa had covered all the walls with the Christmas and birthday cards and the family photos that they used to store in Mama's bedroom desk. On Mama's bedside table, there was a single candle, glowing beautifully.

Then I heard Papa giving Mama a cheque for $300 downstairs. Then Mama joked that this was the first time he ever gave her a gift - that was not an apple.

It was a nice celebration. I woke up from my nap at 11:03 p.m.

Our Wedding - The 411 and 101

We can't argue with the cliche. Your wedding day is one of the happiest day of your life. So how blessed Andrew and I are to experience this bliss three times.

Instead of a traditional big wedding, we opted to do three smaller, intimate gatherings: a ceremony/reception with Andrew/my mom's family and a few close friends, a bbq with friends, and a remembrance dinner during my dad's birthday this September.

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Vision: Simple, cozy, meaningful



We wanted our wedding journey to be simple and non-traditional. No bachelor party, no traditional church wedding, no photography and DJ services, no wedding slideshow, no first dance...

We wanted each celebration to be small and meaningful - because we find large weddings impersonal. We are very glad we did it this way, because we got to spend time with all our guests. Although we weren't able to invite everyone we wanted to, we were touched by everyone's - for the most part - kindness and greetings.

Advice we can now share: It's your day(s). Follow your heart and do what feels real for you.

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The ceremony



We did our ceremony at the Toronto Weddding Chapel - which fits 35 people. It has a wonderful simple elegance.

The officiant was fantastic and put us at ease. We asked to review her notes beforehand and cut it significantly - because we didn't want to put everyone through a long, boring ceremony. With that said, we were laughing so hard up there. When she gave us the green light to kiss, I lunged after Andrew and he thanked me for doing so afterwards, because he said he was about to pass out.

Wedding party: Andrew's parents, my mom, and our sisters. My cousin Tracy was the flower girl and my Grade 9 teacher's son was the ring bearer.
Our witnesses: Our sisters Jennifer and Sarah.
Song during walk down the aisle: Break the Ice by Britney Spears
Song during certificate signing From this Moment On by Shania Twain
Song during exit from chapel: Celebration by Madonna

Advice we can now share: There are no rules when it comes to your ceremony. Have some fun with it - and have a shot of tequila beforehand.

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Reception 1 - Black Tie



Our two August receptions took place at our condo party room. We liked the venue's coziness and saw its potential early on - with its French doors, natural sunlight, and outside water fountain.

We wanted all three receptions to be intimate. The first reception was formal, black tie. Andrew did a fantastic job with the decor - from the silver candleaubras from Fos Decor Centre, to the rose oasis balls, and beautiful damask runners from Around the Table.

We hired The Amazing Food Service to cater our sit-down dinner. They've done a great job for my work events and my friend's wedding. As a whole, their service and food were excellent - although the crab claw - their first try ever - was a bit of a fail (too small!).

Andrew and I also researched and created and served our own signature drink - a raspberry/blueberry cosmopolitan - along with the champagne, white and red wines.

Favourite part of the evening? Sitting down and spending time with each of our guests, and saying a few words of thanks to our family and friends for the love and laughs over the years.

Advice we can now share: With a little imagination and research - you can make an atypical place into your dream reception venue.

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Reception 2 - Cottage Backyard BBQ



We held a separate reception for 35 friends - including those we couldn't invite to our formal reception. We wanted it to feel like a casual summer dinner party you'd have at a good friend's cottage backyard.

So we threw a bbq. We hired Ginger Island to cater the bbq and they did a great job, especially the yummy chocolate sushi. Sa kindly contributed a lechon. Instead of a cake, we got wedding cupcakes from The Cupcake Shoppe. Half were Andrew and half were Ab. cupcakes.

Andrew did another awesome job with decor. It was simplier than the formal reception, but something just as beautiful and well-thought-out. We showered the ceiling with Martha Stewart tissue pom poms (above). They were a labour of love project between Andrew, our friend Megan and I for four weeks - and with the help of Sa and our friends Edward and the hag, we stayed up till 2am the night before to get these babies up.

At the request of our friends Glen, Jenny and Irene, we did the most ghetto-ass dance floor in the party room. We didn't have a lot of space - but we managed to fit in a disco light unit I found from Sunshine Sound . It really added a lot to the ambience of the place. And with DJ iPod - and a little alcohol - on our side, it ended up being a lot of fun for those who embraced its cheesy funness.

Favourite part? Again, I don't mean to sound sentimental, but it was being able to spend time with our guests and to enjoy their company. We also wished four of our friends who are getting married in the next year - as well as two friends who celebrated their 20th anniversary - well by giving each of them a good luck rose.

Advice we can now share: Black tie isn't everything. If the mood calls for something different - like, say, a bbq - why not?

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Reception 3 - Remembrance dinner for Papa

On September 5, during his birthday weekend, we will do a dinner to remember Pa. After considering numerous venues, we decided on Paradise - the fine-dining Chinese restaurant that was also the venue we celebrated his birthday with last year and the last restaurant he ate at before his death on September 18.

It will be a simple dinner, with some of his favourite dishes.

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Papa's visit

The night before our ceremony, I had a dream about Papa. We were in our old kitchen and he was tutoring a student. I walked in and was so happy to see him. Then I realized that he had died and I crouched to my knees and started crying. He came to me and said, "Don't be sad. I'll always be here for you."

The weather forecast had predicted thunder showers on our wedding day. The day began with dark clouds and it poured like hell all morning. Then two hours before our ceremony, it stopped and the sun came out shining. It stayed out until all our guests were seated in the reception and then it began to pour again, adding such a beautiful ambience to our dim candle-lit party room. Then it stopped raining as guests were about to leave.

I truly believe that was Papa's gift to Andrew and I - and his way of telling and showing us that he was there with us on our wedding day.

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What next?

While being married hasn't changed anything between us, it does feel more official. And having gone through this wonderful - and fucking stressful at times - process, the one thing it has shown us is that we are a strong unit together. And that together, the future is filled with so many possibilities.

Panama-mama

Three weeks ago, Andrew and I were sitting at the Grill House restaurant of the Royal Decameron resort in Panama, about to enjoy a steak dinner. Our vacation seems like a lifetime ago. Here are some highlights. You can also view the fuller recap.

Favourite Moment: Yayas Waterfalls

The second of our two excursions took us to the beautiful Yayas Waterfalls (above). Swimming in the cave pools was awesome. The water was blisteringly refreshing. I wanted to stay in there all day.





Cutest Moment: Monkeys

The Panama Canal Expedition took us on a boat ride through the canal, a walking tour of the rainforest, and a stop to feed the inhabitants on Monkey Island. The monkeys clearly stole the show.



Resort Rating: 3.5 out of 5

Boracay Regency in Philippines remains our best resort experience. But the Royal Decameron wasn't bad. The rooms were clean, the staff were friendly and the a la carte restaurants made the boring buffet tolerable. But the uphill/downhill walks from the room to the beach/buffet and back got tiresome. But it was nice to get away!



To see it is to believe it: The Panama Canal

The canal is Panama's #1 industry, making $4 million daily. Sailing through the central region was like taking a ride through cottage country, until a giant ship appears. A ship like the one above pays $250,000 to get through. But it only takes 6-8 hours to sail through the canal versus 2 weeks around South America. I'm glad to have been able to see the canal.

Happy Father's Day, Pa.

9 months for a new life to come into this world. 9 months ago, a life was taken away from this world. Tomorrow is the first Father's Day we're observing without Pa. But in our hearts, he's still alive. Just off on an extended trip to the Big Land Farm supermarket.


One of my fave pictures. :-)


Getting my graduation from junior kindergarten certificate. Pa valued education more than anything.


At the suspension bridge in Vancouver, BC, in April 1989. En route from the Philippines to our new life in Toronto, Canada. Did I look queer or what?


The chain was a phase, let's leave it at that.


I was really pissed off when we took this photo, but it's one of the nicer family photos we have. LOL.


His surprise 85th birthday in 2007. I wish he could've lived till we threw him a big 90th birthday party.

Up and Away

Pixar's new animated film Up is fantastic. It tells the tale of a widow who ties balloons to his house, so that he could fly it to the mythical Paradise Falls, to honour his late wife's life-long wish. I loved the metaphor of the house being a burden of one's life memories. At some point, one has to learn to let go and start anew.

The past year represented a big change for my family with Pa's death. While we were all affected, the biggest impact it had was on my mom, who was married to him for almost 35 years. The first few months were definitely a blur, but she's ready for change.

My mom is moving this summer. She's buying a condo and going to live with my aunt. I am so excited for many reasons, the two biggest being that a) my mom will have full-time companionship and b) a condo is more practical for her new life.

I thought a lot about my mom after I saw Up. I think the move will be very sad for her, but it will also be a new beginning.

I know I'll be emotional on the day of the move. My family has owned that house since 1993, when I was just 12. I still hear Pa when I visit. The sound of his slippers slowly stomping their way up and down the stairs, one careful step at a time. The click of the hallway light as Pa twists it to dim the lights before he went to bed; never fully going dark, because he needed to pee at night. The sound of my parent's door closing with a thud; never fully closing, because of the clothes hanger wedged across the top of the door.

While my mom's new place will be exciting, it will lack the familiar sounds. For that, I am sad. But I think everyone needs - and welcomes - the change.

When You Look Back At It All

A colleague had her retirement party today. I will miss her, because she was a great pillar of support, wisdom and someone who genuinely welcomed me when I started three years ago. She continued a wave of retirement I've participated in during the past year - the biggest of which was my mom's shortly before my dad passed away last September.

I thoroughly enjoyed the speeches each person made, as they remembered the faces, the first encounters that made lasting impressions, and the proud achievements.

When my dad passed away and my mom retired, it made me step back and think about how I would want to look back at my life when that big day comes. I still do think that the fun is in not knowing and discovering things along the way. But if I can sum it up, this is how I'd want to look back at it all:

I satisfied my curiousities. I tried my best and never gave up. I enjoyed the peaks and grew from the valleys. I played fiercely but fairly. My life was enriched by fantastic friendships. I enriched someone's life and made a difference. I had fun.

Spring cleaning

Spring is my favourite time of the year. Days get longer. Weather is nicer. A season of re-birth and emerging from hibernation. It's also a time of decluttering - in every sense of the word.

Andrew and I spent last weekend doing a massive spring cleaning - including cleaning under our beds in the main and guest rooms - for the first time since we moved in Summer 2006. Vacuuming the ocean of dust was one of the most disgusting and therapeutic things I've done all year. By the end of the two-day marathon, we threw out and recycled a lot of shit.

Being a minimalist and someone who strives to live very simply, exorcising my space from its physical clutter is immensely satisfying. Even Oprah's in on the action - by regularly featuring expert Peter Walsh to help viewers declutter. Check out these great tips posted on her site.

Having just turned 28 - and feeling time fly by so quickly - I'm also finding a lot of time clutter. By that, I mean my schedule is continuously populating with activities - but not necessarily things that bring me satisfaction - whether it's wasting too much time Twittering about scratching my crotch or taking on volunteer tasks. The latter is actually very hard not to do, as I do find these jobs fun and meaningful - but I also feel like I sometimes fill up my schedule, just to avoid focusing on the bigger picture.

I think I need to pause, declutter and focus on stuff that will truly bring me long-term satisfaction and closer to fulfilling my long-term goals. For those who know me - you know what I'm talking about! And believe me, I'm a work in progress!

So in the spirit of Spring, I wish you the best and hope you'll find a moment to just stop, examine and declutter. Large or small scale, this exercise in exorcising is worth the trouble.

Paths

I had the hag - one of my oldest friends since junior high - over for dinner on Monday. It's been a long time since we've done anything just the two of us. It was nice to just talk - although I made the hilarious mistake of calling her disgusting (long story). The evening made me think back fondly to the many nights in high school spent yakking on the phone for hours, repeating the same conversations about guys - one of whom she's now with! Bitch.

Today, instead of boys and what clothes to wear on the first day of high school - we talk about marriage, mortgages, moving and mummyhood. Some of my closest friends are - or already have - in the process of transitioning into the next phase of their lives. Whether it's moving an hour drive from Toronto or to San Francisco, everyone's venturing down their own path.

I can't help but feel sad. I consider only a small handful of people to be "close friends"; people I fully trust. I find that as I get older, I become more selective about who I let completely into my life. I'm not being anti-social or a snob. Far from it! Call it experience, but I just know better now, having seen interesting energies that emenate from people; vibes I rather not absorb into my life.

But the dinner on Monday also reinforced that no matter how "busy" you become, you can always "click" and "connect" again with a good friend. So in that sense, I don't feel as sad. I know that although in the years to come, the time spent together may become less frequent - but I also know that time that is spent together will be meaningful and enriched through the different life experiences that we are about to embark on - and already embarking on.

L-M-N-O-P...

Love. Marriage. Newborn. Old farts. Pet cemetary. I suddenly see my life flashing before me. And you know what? I'm so psyched by the possibilities.

I can officially confirm some news: Andrew and I are engaged! Close friends have known this since we became engaged in May 2007 - but we haven't publicized it, because, well, we were in no rush and we also had to tell our parents.

I told my mom the first dinner we had together after she got back from the Philippines. Her typical ADD semi-deaf reaction was hilarious. Andrew broke the news last night - in person - as part of his week-long trip home to New Brunswick.

Marriage to me has always been nothing more but an expensive piece of paper. But because it means a lot to Andrew, I decided to take the plunge. To me, getting married - or not - doesn't change anything about us or how much I love him. It doesn't minimize or heighten the fact that he's my best friend, who has seen me through the highest of highs and lowest of lows; the only person who's seen my truly dark and unattractive side, and still, does not run away.

I'm not going to air my relationship here - because, well, Andrew won't appreciate that, being not as heart-on-sleeve as I am. *laughs*

People often ask the question - how do you know when you've found the right person? There is no right answer. But here's mine: When you can be together in silence - whether at the dinner table, on the couch, walking down the street together - and not feel a damn bit insecure or uncomfortable.

I will also say this. My favourite parts of the day begin and end with Andrew. Waking up and walking half-dead into the bathroom, bitchy as hell, and having him prance in with a big smile and chirpily mocking my grumpiness... Leaving together for work, with me bitching at him to hurry up, because he's going to make me late... Lying together in bed at night dreaming about the future, feeling hopeful and optimistic, and then him - um - clouding the vision with a loud stinky fart and me passing out soon after.

London and Paris, Peru or Iceland?

I had to hand in my vacation request on Friday. If approved, I won't be taking any time off until June (the next five months will be project heavy at work). If budget permits, Andrew and I are dreaming of a few options for travel this year:

London and Paris - To take advantage of an Air Canada deal offered to Andrew, we're thinking of cramming these two cities - including a Britney concert stop in London - into 7 days. Crazy I know, but there's no other way we love to travel.

Peru - I just can't get this place outta my head.

Iceland - Read an interesting article in Metro's weekly Travel section, which I love, about how Iceland is suddenly a cheaper and travel hot spot.

The next step is to budget out these three possibilities and see which one, if any, are feasible. But for now, I shall keep on dreaming. Which shall it be?