Our Wedding - The 411 and 101

We can't argue with the cliche. Your wedding day is one of the happiest day of your life. So how blessed Andrew and I are to experience this bliss three times.

Instead of a traditional big wedding, we opted to do three smaller, intimate gatherings: a ceremony/reception with Andrew/my mom's family and a few close friends, a bbq with friends, and a remembrance dinner during my dad's birthday this September.

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Vision: Simple, cozy, meaningful



We wanted our wedding journey to be simple and non-traditional. No bachelor party, no traditional church wedding, no photography and DJ services, no wedding slideshow, no first dance...

We wanted each celebration to be small and meaningful - because we find large weddings impersonal. We are very glad we did it this way, because we got to spend time with all our guests. Although we weren't able to invite everyone we wanted to, we were touched by everyone's - for the most part - kindness and greetings.

Advice we can now share: It's your day(s). Follow your heart and do what feels real for you.

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The ceremony



We did our ceremony at the Toronto Weddding Chapel - which fits 35 people. It has a wonderful simple elegance.

The officiant was fantastic and put us at ease. We asked to review her notes beforehand and cut it significantly - because we didn't want to put everyone through a long, boring ceremony. With that said, we were laughing so hard up there. When she gave us the green light to kiss, I lunged after Andrew and he thanked me for doing so afterwards, because he said he was about to pass out.

Wedding party: Andrew's parents, my mom, and our sisters. My cousin Tracy was the flower girl and my Grade 9 teacher's son was the ring bearer.
Our witnesses: Our sisters Jennifer and Sarah.
Song during walk down the aisle: Break the Ice by Britney Spears
Song during certificate signing From this Moment On by Shania Twain
Song during exit from chapel: Celebration by Madonna

Advice we can now share: There are no rules when it comes to your ceremony. Have some fun with it - and have a shot of tequila beforehand.

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Reception 1 - Black Tie



Our two August receptions took place at our condo party room. We liked the venue's coziness and saw its potential early on - with its French doors, natural sunlight, and outside water fountain.

We wanted all three receptions to be intimate. The first reception was formal, black tie. Andrew did a fantastic job with the decor - from the silver candleaubras from Fos Decor Centre, to the rose oasis balls, and beautiful damask runners from Around the Table.

We hired The Amazing Food Service to cater our sit-down dinner. They've done a great job for my work events and my friend's wedding. As a whole, their service and food were excellent - although the crab claw - their first try ever - was a bit of a fail (too small!).

Andrew and I also researched and created and served our own signature drink - a raspberry/blueberry cosmopolitan - along with the champagne, white and red wines.

Favourite part of the evening? Sitting down and spending time with each of our guests, and saying a few words of thanks to our family and friends for the love and laughs over the years.

Advice we can now share: With a little imagination and research - you can make an atypical place into your dream reception venue.

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Reception 2 - Cottage Backyard BBQ



We held a separate reception for 35 friends - including those we couldn't invite to our formal reception. We wanted it to feel like a casual summer dinner party you'd have at a good friend's cottage backyard.

So we threw a bbq. We hired Ginger Island to cater the bbq and they did a great job, especially the yummy chocolate sushi. Sa kindly contributed a lechon. Instead of a cake, we got wedding cupcakes from The Cupcake Shoppe. Half were Andrew and half were Ab. cupcakes.

Andrew did another awesome job with decor. It was simplier than the formal reception, but something just as beautiful and well-thought-out. We showered the ceiling with Martha Stewart tissue pom poms (above). They were a labour of love project between Andrew, our friend Megan and I for four weeks - and with the help of Sa and our friends Edward and the hag, we stayed up till 2am the night before to get these babies up.

At the request of our friends Glen, Jenny and Irene, we did the most ghetto-ass dance floor in the party room. We didn't have a lot of space - but we managed to fit in a disco light unit I found from Sunshine Sound . It really added a lot to the ambience of the place. And with DJ iPod - and a little alcohol - on our side, it ended up being a lot of fun for those who embraced its cheesy funness.

Favourite part? Again, I don't mean to sound sentimental, but it was being able to spend time with our guests and to enjoy their company. We also wished four of our friends who are getting married in the next year - as well as two friends who celebrated their 20th anniversary - well by giving each of them a good luck rose.

Advice we can now share: Black tie isn't everything. If the mood calls for something different - like, say, a bbq - why not?

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Reception 3 - Remembrance dinner for Papa

On September 5, during his birthday weekend, we will do a dinner to remember Pa. After considering numerous venues, we decided on Paradise - the fine-dining Chinese restaurant that was also the venue we celebrated his birthday with last year and the last restaurant he ate at before his death on September 18.

It will be a simple dinner, with some of his favourite dishes.

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Papa's visit

The night before our ceremony, I had a dream about Papa. We were in our old kitchen and he was tutoring a student. I walked in and was so happy to see him. Then I realized that he had died and I crouched to my knees and started crying. He came to me and said, "Don't be sad. I'll always be here for you."

The weather forecast had predicted thunder showers on our wedding day. The day began with dark clouds and it poured like hell all morning. Then two hours before our ceremony, it stopped and the sun came out shining. It stayed out until all our guests were seated in the reception and then it began to pour again, adding such a beautiful ambience to our dim candle-lit party room. Then it stopped raining as guests were about to leave.

I truly believe that was Papa's gift to Andrew and I - and his way of telling and showing us that he was there with us on our wedding day.

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What next?

While being married hasn't changed anything between us, it does feel more official. And having gone through this wonderful - and fucking stressful at times - process, the one thing it has shown us is that we are a strong unit together. And that together, the future is filled with so many possibilities.

L-M-N-O-P...

Love. Marriage. Newborn. Old farts. Pet cemetary. I suddenly see my life flashing before me. And you know what? I'm so psyched by the possibilities.

I can officially confirm some news: Andrew and I are engaged! Close friends have known this since we became engaged in May 2007 - but we haven't publicized it, because, well, we were in no rush and we also had to tell our parents.

I told my mom the first dinner we had together after she got back from the Philippines. Her typical ADD semi-deaf reaction was hilarious. Andrew broke the news last night - in person - as part of his week-long trip home to New Brunswick.

Marriage to me has always been nothing more but an expensive piece of paper. But because it means a lot to Andrew, I decided to take the plunge. To me, getting married - or not - doesn't change anything about us or how much I love him. It doesn't minimize or heighten the fact that he's my best friend, who has seen me through the highest of highs and lowest of lows; the only person who's seen my truly dark and unattractive side, and still, does not run away.

I'm not going to air my relationship here - because, well, Andrew won't appreciate that, being not as heart-on-sleeve as I am. *laughs*

People often ask the question - how do you know when you've found the right person? There is no right answer. But here's mine: When you can be together in silence - whether at the dinner table, on the couch, walking down the street together - and not feel a damn bit insecure or uncomfortable.

I will also say this. My favourite parts of the day begin and end with Andrew. Waking up and walking half-dead into the bathroom, bitchy as hell, and having him prance in with a big smile and chirpily mocking my grumpiness... Leaving together for work, with me bitching at him to hurry up, because he's going to make me late... Lying together in bed at night dreaming about the future, feeling hopeful and optimistic, and then him - um - clouding the vision with a loud stinky fart and me passing out soon after.

Got Milk? Need More of It

Andrew and I did something unusual tonight: we actually went out on a work night and enjoyed a screening of Gus Van Sant's latest masterpiece, Milk - the biopic of gay activist Harvey Milk, played by 2009 Oscar contender for lead actor Sean Penn.

Prior to this film, I've never heard of Harvey Milk and now I feel like I am the better of it. I feel fortunate that I've had, for the most part, an uneventful coming out experience in my teenage years. True, there were the few pricks who tried and failed to make my life in school hell; they were more like a nuisance - kind of like getting crabs - than anything threatening - like terminal cancer. Not that I've ever gotten crabs.

But the liberties I've experienced have come on the heel of the persecution of many before me, and I often took, and feel like I still take a lot for granted. But I'm not going to go down that sentimental route, other than to say, that I think the best and simplest way to stand up to it all is to just live your life truthfully and proudly; and by doing so, hopefully inspire others to do the same.

The moment that made me choke up during the film was thinking about my dad. My mom actually came out for me. She claimed that a speech I wrote for Grade 9 somehow crawled out of the box in my closet all the way to her dresser top. Yeah right. Either way, it was a blessing in disguise that she snooped.

My Dad didn't take the news so well. We just didn't talk about it. During my senior year in high school, I began working as a freelance journalist for one of the local gay newspapers in Toronto. I was so proud of seeing my byline and wanted to share it with my parents. Then my dad told me that he didn't want me writing for the newspaper anymore, because homosexuality was wrong. My dad then spewed out such a hate-filled speech filled with the usual stereotypes - including espousing that AIDS came from gay people.

I still remember that fight so vividly in my head. I completely lost my temper and threw the TV remote across the living room and it smashed against the hard wood floor, breaking open and the two AAA batteries rolled out. I picked up my jacket and stormed out of the house, nearly 11 p.m. on a school night.

I stomped down the street onto the main road and kept walking for almost half an hour, unable to come down from my volcanic furor. I called my cousin and ex, who took me to a bubble tea shop where I vented. I must've gone home at 2 in the morning. I didn't speak to my dad - or my mom - for over six weeks.

The point of sharing this story is that when my dad passed away earlier this year, not only did he acknowledge, love and accept me for who I was - but he openly welcomed and accepted Andrew as a member of our family and as my boyfriend. He didn't do this overnight, or even after the fight, but over years.

I still laugh when I recall how Andrew used to visit for the weekends from Waterloo and sleep in my room. My dad would stand in the hallway and shout, "Andrew can sleep in your sister's room." (Sa had moved out). We just ignored him, until he got used to it. Andrew, of course, sucked up the best way anyone could to my dad: by buying him lotto tickets.

I remember a conversation my aunt had with me, alone in her van, one time during my university years, when she told me that a) she knew I was gay and b) that I had to give my parents time to accept it. It was not just an adjustment for me, but for them as well. She said that it was going to be an educational process for everyone.

And I think that's the most powerful message of the film, Milk: the power of building bridges through education and time. At the end of the day, I think all parents will love and accept their child for whoever they are, as long as they are genuine, truthful and open about how they live their life. It just takes time.

I started to cry in the theatre tonight, as I thought about my dad and how he - in his seventies - changed his long-held prejudices, views and attitudes about life and other people's lifestyles. Who said change can't happen? It just takes time and a genuine willingness from all sides to look at things from every angle.