Reuniting With Family and Enjoying Great Food and Adventure in the Province of the Golden Friendship

Cagayan De Oro - the first of our five stops in our Philippines trip - is nicknamed the Province of the Golden Friendship. It was my first time back in 21 years and I had limited memories - mainly bits and pieces - of my few visits to Cagayan as a kid.

I really enjoyed our three-day stay here, because it was a wonderful mix of fun adventure, delicious food, and most importantly, catching up with family - many of whom I had not seen in 21 years and even those who I met for the first time.

We were picked up at the airport by my uncles and were whisked off to enjoy a delicious Filipino lunch, where I was reunited with my cousin Isis, who had just visited Canada a few weeks back. I also met my cousin Apao for the first time.

We stayed at my fourth uncle's house, a place I often visited as a kid. We stayed in our late grandma's room. I enjoyed looking at old photo albums, especially of when Ma was younger.

On our first night, we celebrated Andrew's 30th birthday (above). My uncle took us out for another delicious night of Filipino fare and then we enjoyed yummy desserts baked by Isis. As an aside, oh my God, we ate so much in Cagayan. Every meal has rice. Not that I'm complaining, as the food was delicious.



Another highlight of our trip - aside from our many adventures, which I'll post about next - was visiting the cemetary where my maternal grandparents were buried. I vividly remember the last time I was there, in 1987, during my grandma's death. I remembered exactly where I stood and facing Ma, with Sa placing her hands around her shoulder, as she cried. We also got to see my great-grandfather's grave, just a few feet downhill from my grandparents.

On our last night, the entire family came over and my third aunt, who I saw again for the first time in 21 years, made a delicious dinner for us, including diniguan and pansit. My uncles also bought a lechon (roast pig). Cagayan's lechon is well known for its taste; the pig was stuffed with lemongrass. The crispy skin and tender meat were as delicious as I remembered.

Province of golden friendship? I can definitely see how Cagayan has earned that reputation. Every moment Andrew and I were here, we were treated to such amazing hospitality. As we left Cagayan this morning, I told my uncles and cousins how much fun I had and that it definitely won't be another 21 years before I visit again.

Looking Ahead: Mapping Out Our Strategic Plan

Andrew and I had a fantastic week in New Brunswick with his family (thanks Jenny for watching the house/cats). One thing we did to amuse ourselves during the long drive - aside from listening to Madonna and Kylie - was to discuss our goals for the coming years. All this, while on the lookout for moose or deer.

In the past few months, I'd been outlining - for fun and focus - a strategic plan for our life. A strat plan is a bible a company creates to guide itself. It is usually drafted every three or four years and outlines high-level objectives and the tactics in which to achieve them. It's a good way to keep a company focused on what they deem important and to inspire and energize their stakeholders.

I recently participated in such a process for the non-profit board that I serve on. So I thought it'd be fun to create such a plan - more informally - for Andrew and myself.

So for the next three years (2011 to 2013), five areas of focus are:

1. Start a family - Andrew's been harrassing me about this for ages and I'm now mentally and emotionally ready. It's going to be a life changer and an uphill struggle, but we both want it. So to my 5 readers, stay tuned!

2. Build a dream home - We're aiming to move to a house in Summer 2011. Andrew wants a fixer upper, so we can mould it to our vision. Some things we dream about: a zen garden (summer 2012) and a cool home office (2013).

3. Evolve professionally - Find new challenges and achieve new things - be it professional, volunteer, or creatively. Yes, writing is in there.

4. Travel and see the world - We want to see as much of the world before the stork visits and, ideally, after too.

5. Live to the fullest - Andrew and I feel very blessed, so this is reinforcing the need to acknowledge that blessing by continuing to enjoy every moment and to share them with others too.

So, our "plan" is not earth-shattering, but it presents more clarity than we've both ever had. It's also to ensure we enter our 30s with focus. And of course, family and friends will energize us along the way (and vice versa); while budgetting, flexibility and spontaneity will be necessary.

We celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary this week and Andrew got me a card - and of course, I didn't even think of getting him anything. Isn't he such a jerk for making me look bad?

The card had a quote that really nicely sums up the point I want to make. At the risk of being corny, I'm sharing it: "Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction."

And I think by having articulated, informally, what it is we want to achieve together, it was nice to discover that we both have similar goals. And now, just gotta watch out for the moose and deer along the way.

The Hills Were Alive

A month ago tonight, I was packing excitedly for our - Ma, Andrew and I's - European trip to Paris and Zurich.

I had recapped some of the highlights from our Paris leg and as the mineutia hits me in the late afternoons these days, I think back to the beautiful Swiss Alps.



We took the train from Paris to Zurich, a four-hour train ride to be exact. We had always wanted to take a train country to another. The beautiful weather that greeted us in Zurich lasted for the rest of our amazing three-day weekend soujourn.

Zurich is a tiny modern city by a beautiful lake. It is so convenient to get around by tram; in fact, I was impressed with their public transit system.



We spent the first day walking around town, exploring the Banhofstrasse shopping mile and taking a leisurely late afternoon boat ride around Lake Zurich.

The highlight of our Zurich stay - and to me, the entire trip - was our full-day excursion to the top of Jungfraujoch, one of the Swiss Alp peaks.



We departed Zurich from the bus terminal and the two-hour drive took us through Lucerne and Interlaken. My eyes were glued to the window, just staring out at the beautiful mountains and the wide sprawling flat green carpet. Tiny waterfalls - made from melting glaciers atop the mountains - sporadically cascaded down the tall mountainside - and the turquoise glacial lake water hypnotized me.

The one-hour ride to the top of Jungfraujoch was fun. Andrew, Ma and I took turns being silly to the camera, poking out of the tram. We absorbed the views, as the houses got smaller below us and the majestic white-capped mountains emerged.



There was an ice palace atop that we got to explore, which was quite cool. When we exited one of the palace doors, we found ourselves atop a snowy peak - and we had to wear sunglasses to shield our eyes from the blinding white light.



Standing atop the peak - at 13,500 feet above sea level - with Ma and Andrew, I felt so blessed to be soaking in this amazing moment. I said a silent prayer to express my thanks for this trip of a lifetime, made all the more enjoyable because it was shared with two people that I truly care about.

Family trip

I still remember it well. I was only 10. The bedroom door opened. Pa and Ma woke Sa and I - who shared a room in our tiny 2-room apartment - up. Pa could barely contain his glee: he got 5 out of the 6 numbers in Lotto 6/49.

A few moments later, we sat around the breakfast table, excitedly dreaming about the possibilities. Then Pa and Ma said they'd like to do a family trip to Ottawa. Later that day, we discovered 5/6 numbers did not equate millions; but rather $1,500.

I don't know what cracks me up more to this day: thinking we were millionaires or deciding that - out of every single thing to do in the world with our imagined millions - we'd go to Ottawa.

Sadly, since coming together as a family to Canada in April 1989, we had never travelled as a family again. It was a dream of Ma's to travel together again, before Pa passed away in September 2008.

And in less than 24 hours, that dream will become a reality as Ma, Andrew and I travel together to Paris for a 5-day stay, followed by a weekend soujourn to Zurich. Sa can't join us - but I'm ever hopeful this will be the first of many such trips - and will include Sa and Andrew's family - in the years ahead.

I hope this trip is filled with joy, laughter, pleasant surprises, good weather, adventure, good food and relaxation. Honest to God, I can barely contain my excitement!

Room Of One's Own

It's always been my dream to renovate my parent's house as a gift to them. Sadly, that dream will never happen now.

Ma recently downsized to an apartment, which is great, because she has less things to worry about now and she also has companionship.

She gave Andrew and I free reign to design her room. After spending an entire life of not spoiling herself, she now has new furniture, bedset and drapes. So in a sense, we did fulfill that dream.

A birthday party for Pa

People who know me well know that I'm always a tad sentimental - and I believe that dreams connect us with a bigger meaning in ways that other channels cannot.

Last night - on Papa's birthday - I took a nap. In my dream, I woke up from my nap in my old room in our old house. There was a birthday party being held for Pa downstairs. I heard voices only - of Papa, Mama, Sa, and Papa's friends and former students.

All the windows in the four bedrooms were open. It was dark outside and a warm wind blew throughout the house; window curtains (which we never had, we only had blinds) were dancing with the wind.

I stepped into Papa and Mama's room. Papa had covered all the walls with the Christmas and birthday cards and the family photos that they used to store in Mama's bedroom desk. On Mama's bedside table, there was a single candle, glowing beautifully.

Then I heard Papa giving Mama a cheque for $300 downstairs. Then Mama joked that this was the first time he ever gave her a gift - that was not an apple.

It was a nice celebration. I woke up from my nap at 11:03 p.m.

Our Wedding - The 411 and 101

We can't argue with the cliche. Your wedding day is one of the happiest day of your life. So how blessed Andrew and I are to experience this bliss three times.

Instead of a traditional big wedding, we opted to do three smaller, intimate gatherings: a ceremony/reception with Andrew/my mom's family and a few close friends, a bbq with friends, and a remembrance dinner during my dad's birthday this September.

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Vision: Simple, cozy, meaningful



We wanted our wedding journey to be simple and non-traditional. No bachelor party, no traditional church wedding, no photography and DJ services, no wedding slideshow, no first dance...

We wanted each celebration to be small and meaningful - because we find large weddings impersonal. We are very glad we did it this way, because we got to spend time with all our guests. Although we weren't able to invite everyone we wanted to, we were touched by everyone's - for the most part - kindness and greetings.

Advice we can now share: It's your day(s). Follow your heart and do what feels real for you.

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The ceremony



We did our ceremony at the Toronto Weddding Chapel - which fits 35 people. It has a wonderful simple elegance.

The officiant was fantastic and put us at ease. We asked to review her notes beforehand and cut it significantly - because we didn't want to put everyone through a long, boring ceremony. With that said, we were laughing so hard up there. When she gave us the green light to kiss, I lunged after Andrew and he thanked me for doing so afterwards, because he said he was about to pass out.

Wedding party: Andrew's parents, my mom, and our sisters. My cousin Tracy was the flower girl and my Grade 9 teacher's son was the ring bearer.
Our witnesses: Our sisters Jennifer and Sarah.
Song during walk down the aisle: Break the Ice by Britney Spears
Song during certificate signing From this Moment On by Shania Twain
Song during exit from chapel: Celebration by Madonna

Advice we can now share: There are no rules when it comes to your ceremony. Have some fun with it - and have a shot of tequila beforehand.

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Reception 1 - Black Tie



Our two August receptions took place at our condo party room. We liked the venue's coziness and saw its potential early on - with its French doors, natural sunlight, and outside water fountain.

We wanted all three receptions to be intimate. The first reception was formal, black tie. Andrew did a fantastic job with the decor - from the silver candleaubras from Fos Decor Centre, to the rose oasis balls, and beautiful damask runners from Around the Table.

We hired The Amazing Food Service to cater our sit-down dinner. They've done a great job for my work events and my friend's wedding. As a whole, their service and food were excellent - although the crab claw - their first try ever - was a bit of a fail (too small!).

Andrew and I also researched and created and served our own signature drink - a raspberry/blueberry cosmopolitan - along with the champagne, white and red wines.

Favourite part of the evening? Sitting down and spending time with each of our guests, and saying a few words of thanks to our family and friends for the love and laughs over the years.

Advice we can now share: With a little imagination and research - you can make an atypical place into your dream reception venue.

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Reception 2 - Cottage Backyard BBQ



We held a separate reception for 35 friends - including those we couldn't invite to our formal reception. We wanted it to feel like a casual summer dinner party you'd have at a good friend's cottage backyard.

So we threw a bbq. We hired Ginger Island to cater the bbq and they did a great job, especially the yummy chocolate sushi. Sa kindly contributed a lechon. Instead of a cake, we got wedding cupcakes from The Cupcake Shoppe. Half were Andrew and half were Ab. cupcakes.

Andrew did another awesome job with decor. It was simplier than the formal reception, but something just as beautiful and well-thought-out. We showered the ceiling with Martha Stewart tissue pom poms (above). They were a labour of love project between Andrew, our friend Megan and I for four weeks - and with the help of Sa and our friends Edward and the hag, we stayed up till 2am the night before to get these babies up.

At the request of our friends Glen, Jenny and Irene, we did the most ghetto-ass dance floor in the party room. We didn't have a lot of space - but we managed to fit in a disco light unit I found from Sunshine Sound . It really added a lot to the ambience of the place. And with DJ iPod - and a little alcohol - on our side, it ended up being a lot of fun for those who embraced its cheesy funness.

Favourite part? Again, I don't mean to sound sentimental, but it was being able to spend time with our guests and to enjoy their company. We also wished four of our friends who are getting married in the next year - as well as two friends who celebrated their 20th anniversary - well by giving each of them a good luck rose.

Advice we can now share: Black tie isn't everything. If the mood calls for something different - like, say, a bbq - why not?

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Reception 3 - Remembrance dinner for Papa

On September 5, during his birthday weekend, we will do a dinner to remember Pa. After considering numerous venues, we decided on Paradise - the fine-dining Chinese restaurant that was also the venue we celebrated his birthday with last year and the last restaurant he ate at before his death on September 18.

It will be a simple dinner, with some of his favourite dishes.

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Papa's visit

The night before our ceremony, I had a dream about Papa. We were in our old kitchen and he was tutoring a student. I walked in and was so happy to see him. Then I realized that he had died and I crouched to my knees and started crying. He came to me and said, "Don't be sad. I'll always be here for you."

The weather forecast had predicted thunder showers on our wedding day. The day began with dark clouds and it poured like hell all morning. Then two hours before our ceremony, it stopped and the sun came out shining. It stayed out until all our guests were seated in the reception and then it began to pour again, adding such a beautiful ambience to our dim candle-lit party room. Then it stopped raining as guests were about to leave.

I truly believe that was Papa's gift to Andrew and I - and his way of telling and showing us that he was there with us on our wedding day.

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What next?

While being married hasn't changed anything between us, it does feel more official. And having gone through this wonderful - and fucking stressful at times - process, the one thing it has shown us is that we are a strong unit together. And that together, the future is filled with so many possibilities.

Happy Father's Day, Pa.

9 months for a new life to come into this world. 9 months ago, a life was taken away from this world. Tomorrow is the first Father's Day we're observing without Pa. But in our hearts, he's still alive. Just off on an extended trip to the Big Land Farm supermarket.


One of my fave pictures. :-)


Getting my graduation from junior kindergarten certificate. Pa valued education more than anything.


At the suspension bridge in Vancouver, BC, in April 1989. En route from the Philippines to our new life in Toronto, Canada. Did I look queer or what?


The chain was a phase, let's leave it at that.


I was really pissed off when we took this photo, but it's one of the nicer family photos we have. LOL.


His surprise 85th birthday in 2007. I wish he could've lived till we threw him a big 90th birthday party.

Up and Away

Pixar's new animated film Up is fantastic. It tells the tale of a widow who ties balloons to his house, so that he could fly it to the mythical Paradise Falls, to honour his late wife's life-long wish. I loved the metaphor of the house being a burden of one's life memories. At some point, one has to learn to let go and start anew.

The past year represented a big change for my family with Pa's death. While we were all affected, the biggest impact it had was on my mom, who was married to him for almost 35 years. The first few months were definitely a blur, but she's ready for change.

My mom is moving this summer. She's buying a condo and going to live with my aunt. I am so excited for many reasons, the two biggest being that a) my mom will have full-time companionship and b) a condo is more practical for her new life.

I thought a lot about my mom after I saw Up. I think the move will be very sad for her, but it will also be a new beginning.

I know I'll be emotional on the day of the move. My family has owned that house since 1993, when I was just 12. I still hear Pa when I visit. The sound of his slippers slowly stomping their way up and down the stairs, one careful step at a time. The click of the hallway light as Pa twists it to dim the lights before he went to bed; never fully going dark, because he needed to pee at night. The sound of my parent's door closing with a thud; never fully closing, because of the clothes hanger wedged across the top of the door.

While my mom's new place will be exciting, it will lack the familiar sounds. For that, I am sad. But I think everyone needs - and welcomes - the change.

Paths

I had the hag - one of my oldest friends since junior high - over for dinner on Monday. It's been a long time since we've done anything just the two of us. It was nice to just talk - although I made the hilarious mistake of calling her disgusting (long story). The evening made me think back fondly to the many nights in high school spent yakking on the phone for hours, repeating the same conversations about guys - one of whom she's now with! Bitch.

Today, instead of boys and what clothes to wear on the first day of high school - we talk about marriage, mortgages, moving and mummyhood. Some of my closest friends are - or already have - in the process of transitioning into the next phase of their lives. Whether it's moving an hour drive from Toronto or to San Francisco, everyone's venturing down their own path.

I can't help but feel sad. I consider only a small handful of people to be "close friends"; people I fully trust. I find that as I get older, I become more selective about who I let completely into my life. I'm not being anti-social or a snob. Far from it! Call it experience, but I just know better now, having seen interesting energies that emenate from people; vibes I rather not absorb into my life.

But the dinner on Monday also reinforced that no matter how "busy" you become, you can always "click" and "connect" again with a good friend. So in that sense, I don't feel as sad. I know that although in the years to come, the time spent together may become less frequent - but I also know that time that is spent together will be meaningful and enriched through the different life experiences that we are about to embark on - and already embarking on.

Got Milk? Need More of It

Andrew and I did something unusual tonight: we actually went out on a work night and enjoyed a screening of Gus Van Sant's latest masterpiece, Milk - the biopic of gay activist Harvey Milk, played by 2009 Oscar contender for lead actor Sean Penn.

Prior to this film, I've never heard of Harvey Milk and now I feel like I am the better of it. I feel fortunate that I've had, for the most part, an uneventful coming out experience in my teenage years. True, there were the few pricks who tried and failed to make my life in school hell; they were more like a nuisance - kind of like getting crabs - than anything threatening - like terminal cancer. Not that I've ever gotten crabs.

But the liberties I've experienced have come on the heel of the persecution of many before me, and I often took, and feel like I still take a lot for granted. But I'm not going to go down that sentimental route, other than to say, that I think the best and simplest way to stand up to it all is to just live your life truthfully and proudly; and by doing so, hopefully inspire others to do the same.

The moment that made me choke up during the film was thinking about my dad. My mom actually came out for me. She claimed that a speech I wrote for Grade 9 somehow crawled out of the box in my closet all the way to her dresser top. Yeah right. Either way, it was a blessing in disguise that she snooped.

My Dad didn't take the news so well. We just didn't talk about it. During my senior year in high school, I began working as a freelance journalist for one of the local gay newspapers in Toronto. I was so proud of seeing my byline and wanted to share it with my parents. Then my dad told me that he didn't want me writing for the newspaper anymore, because homosexuality was wrong. My dad then spewed out such a hate-filled speech filled with the usual stereotypes - including espousing that AIDS came from gay people.

I still remember that fight so vividly in my head. I completely lost my temper and threw the TV remote across the living room and it smashed against the hard wood floor, breaking open and the two AAA batteries rolled out. I picked up my jacket and stormed out of the house, nearly 11 p.m. on a school night.

I stomped down the street onto the main road and kept walking for almost half an hour, unable to come down from my volcanic furor. I called my cousin and ex, who took me to a bubble tea shop where I vented. I must've gone home at 2 in the morning. I didn't speak to my dad - or my mom - for over six weeks.

The point of sharing this story is that when my dad passed away earlier this year, not only did he acknowledge, love and accept me for who I was - but he openly welcomed and accepted Andrew as a member of our family and as my boyfriend. He didn't do this overnight, or even after the fight, but over years.

I still laugh when I recall how Andrew used to visit for the weekends from Waterloo and sleep in my room. My dad would stand in the hallway and shout, "Andrew can sleep in your sister's room." (Sa had moved out). We just ignored him, until he got used to it. Andrew, of course, sucked up the best way anyone could to my dad: by buying him lotto tickets.

I remember a conversation my aunt had with me, alone in her van, one time during my university years, when she told me that a) she knew I was gay and b) that I had to give my parents time to accept it. It was not just an adjustment for me, but for them as well. She said that it was going to be an educational process for everyone.

And I think that's the most powerful message of the film, Milk: the power of building bridges through education and time. At the end of the day, I think all parents will love and accept their child for whoever they are, as long as they are genuine, truthful and open about how they live their life. It just takes time.

I started to cry in the theatre tonight, as I thought about my dad and how he - in his seventies - changed his long-held prejudices, views and attitudes about life and other people's lifestyles. Who said change can't happen? It just takes time and a genuine willingness from all sides to look at things from every angle.

Fun Night Out with the Cousins

When life throws you a lemon, thank goodness for younger hospitable cousins who help press them into lemonade for you.

We missed our 3:45 p.m. flight to Boracay on Friday. We had got dropped off at the wrong airport and by the time we got to the right one - after crazy traffic - the gate had closed. We were at the airport nearly thirty minutes before take off and they wouldn't let us on. It was so frustrating - especially when the next flight was not till 5:30 the next morning.

Andrew and I were pretty upset, but it quickly wore off when my cousin drove us to my uncle's house to stay the night. It was my first time seeing his home and it's beautiful and huge! After the tour, Andrew and I passed out.

Around 1 a.m., after napping and catching up with my cousin Westin and aunt, we head out to experience Manila nightlife with my two cousins.

They took us to a bar lounge in Makati. Seeing the younger kids in the room, Andrew and I felt like chaperons. But the crowd was fun and easy going. It was also Halloween and some kids came out in costume - including a guy who came as Chuck Bass. Chuck Bass! Hilarious!

We were soon relaxed after a few drinks.

And speaking of drinks - holy cow. Are the drinks ever cheap! I had a tequila shot, mango daquiri, mudslide drink and another mango cocktail. It probably came to around $16 CAN (my cousins' treat!).

Funniest moment of the night was when amidst all the hip hop songs, suddenly came "Season of Love" from Rent - and everyone started singing and dancing along. It was hilarious! I wanted to dance, but I was worried that I would clear the floor. You know, the music suddenly stops and you hear crickets.

We went straight from the lounge to the airport at 3:30 a.m. I was on a feel good buzz, until the biggest, most frustrating moment of our trip transpired.

Reuniting with Brother over Filipino food at Abè's.

Green mango slices dipped in bagoong (shrimp paste). Kare kare (pictured above - beef slowly cooked until tender in peanut butter). Lechon kawale. These are just some of the much-beloved and missed Filipino dishes I had for my first lunch in Manila.

You really don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore. That is so true when it comes to Filipino food; so many delicious dishes that I haven't had in ages - especially the green mango with bagoong.

On our way to Boracay from Hong Kong - on Friday - we had a 5-hour stopover in Manila. We met up for lunch with my cousin Ryan and my brother. Having not seen my brother since 2004, it was nice to catch up - especially given the recent events in our lives.

We ate at Abè - a fancy Filipino restaurant (think Spring Rolls style). By the way, that is how you pronounce my name the correct way Filipino way - with the accent. Ab. just Americanizes it. So if you want to refer to me in the way my family does, call me Abè next time.

Lechon kawale

Green mango with bagoong (shrimp paste)

Diced kang kong (left) and ox tongue pie dish (right)

Hong Kong Nightlife with Magagi

On our last night in Hong Kong, Magi treated us to dinner and then showed us around the Central District - Hong Kong's party destination.

Halloween - like in NYC - is big here. To my pleasant surprise, Hong Kongers - well, the ones in the District anyway - are hard core about partying. I really like the "work hard, play hard" attitude here; apparently, according to Magi and a few other friends who've said the same thing, many Hong Kongers work long hours and Saturdays and still find the time to "enjoy life." That's a great attitude to have.

The main party street was closed and people packed the bars and poured into the streets; many in some of the most imaginative Halloween costumes I've seen.

We had a few drinks - and it was cool being able to drink on the street, unlike in Toronto. Even 7/11 sells alcohol!

While we only got three hours of sleep before leaving for the airport, the night was a perfect way to end our stay in Hong Kong. Thanks for being such a great host, Magi!